When Your Children Won't Do Homework Without You
When Your Children Won't Do Homework Without You
| By | Dr. Sam Goldstein |
| Dr. Sydney Zentall |
Do your palms start to sweat when you ask your children about homework, knowing that the answer to this seemingly harmless question might start World War Three in your home? Some parents try to avoid the question as long as they can, hoping to have a few more hours of peace until the nightly homework battles begin. Others tackle the problem head on and ask the question before the child has both feet through the door. Some parents may remain uninvolved. Others may get too involved, causing their child to become overly reliant on parents for homework assistance.
As a parent you must be involved in your child's learning. You have the responsibility to make sure your child is getting the best education possible and that your child is taking school seriously. To know that you have to be involved in your child's school work. Parental involvement in children's education is extremely important if you want your child to succeed in school. Parents who are uninvolved, who do not ask about school, who do not check assignments, who do not go to parent-teacher meetings or communicate with the school are likely to have childrne who are less successful as learners. Parental follow-up about homework is also one of the ways in which you support your child's teachers.
How involved should you be? That depends on how much assistance your child requires. Asking about homework and helping out is an important part of your guiding role as a parent, especially for elementary age children who are experiencing difficulty learning to complete homework independently and to develop independent homework skills. We suggest you establish a working relationship with your child. A homework alliance in which you have an agreed upon time, place and system for completing and monitoring homework each day. Be available for assistance and feedback but don't become so involved that you stifle your child's ability to complete homework independently. Don't get caught up in the trap of wanting the homework to be perfect or without error. This will only foster dependence if your child is insecure about his or her capabilities.
There is a fine line between providing help, allowing your child to fail and fostering dependence. In the early grades it is important for you to be quite involved. As your child demonstrates increasing capacity to complete homework independently step back and allow the child to experiment. Repetition, practice, patience and success are critical for some children to develop the self-confidence and habits necessary to complete homework independently. As your child gains confidence as an independent learner the act of homework becomes not only educational but a reinforcement of their capacity to do for themselves.
