Child Whisperers

Child Whisperers

Sam Goldstein, Ph.D..
March, 2007
Copyright © 2007

Parents typically do a very good job marketing the joys of school to their young children. Most children, except those burdened by excessively sensitive temperament or anxiety, can't wait to attend school. They put on their new clothes and off they go to "big school" with a broad smile on their faces on the very first day of kindergarten. Our marketing efforts of the joys of school to our children are enhanced by what I define as their "instinctual optimism." Two and three year olds want to help cook, clean and drive the car. Though their age and developmental level may preclude them from appreciating the complexity of these tasks, they nonetheless are exceedingly optimistic that they are competent and capable to do them well.

This instinctual optimism carries over into the developmental challenges children face as well. How do young children just learning to walk know that if they get up again and again when falling down, eventually they will master walking? Obviously they don't possess a conscious thought that if they keep trying they will succeed. That is exactly my point. As human beings we are born with this instinctual optimism as an aid to drive us to continue working at challenging developmental tasks, tasks that often take weeks if not months to develop.

If five year olds were capable of responding to complex questions or if we were savvy enough to develop surveys they could respond to, we would probably discover that on the first day of kindergarten most children envision an educational career filled with success, satisfaction and the joy of learning. Yet, within a few short years in school, a significant minority, perhaps as many as one out of three children slowly lose this optimism. Where does it go? I don't think it is stolen away as much as slowly chipped away day after day as children struggle to meet the academic, emotional and behavioral demands of our schools. Within a few short years a significant percentage of children, including most of those finding their way into the special education system are demoralized. In response to the question, "do you think you're smart?", most of these children typically answer in the negative, pointing out that if they were smart they would be successful in school.

Stuart is a nine-year-old, third grader whom I recently had the opportunity to evaluate. Stuart's parents describe him as empathic, sensitive and caring. From the history provided he appears intelligent and academically competent. Yet Stuart is struggling in school. Despite his assets, Stuart has struggled to develop efficient executive skills related to planning, strategizing, organizing and self-monitoring. Though he is competent and capable, much of his work remains incomplete with misplaced assignments and a disorganized desk. In an effort to help Stuart and all of the students in her class function more effectively, Stuart's teacher initiated a "stamp and punch system." When students are working independently and following the rules, the teacher randomly stamps a card placed on their desks. If they are off task, misbehaving or otherwise a problem, a hole is punched in their card. At the end of the month, punches are subtracted from stamps. Students with a sufficient number of stamps attend a party while the remaining students are left to sit at their desks and write a note to their parents explaining the reason they missed the party and what they will do to earn the party in the coming month. On his note, Stuart wrote to his parents that he missed the stamp party because he was spending "too much thinking time." Stuart explained to his parents that when he was working or when the teacher was speaking to the class, sometimes he just started thinking about other things. He then continued in his note that to improve in the following month he would "stop thinking." Because he was concerned about disappointing his parents Stuart turned the note over and on the back wrote "mom and dad you don't know how much I love you." When he handed them the note he also gave them a dollar because even at this young age he has learned the economics of compensation for pain and suffering in our culture. Stuart, a boy with great potential, was quickly becoming disenchanted with school. The very interventions that were designed to help him find success not only were not helping but made things worse. The failure of his teacher to appreciate his needs further compounded the problem.

A Horse Whisperer is a horse trainer who adopts a sympathetic view of the animal in training. Such a view considers the needs, desires and free will of the horse. This term is traced back to the early 19th century when an Irish horseman, Daniel Sullivan, developed a knack for rehabilitating abused or traumatized horses who in response to their experiences had become aggressive and uncooperative. Sullivan would stand face to face with the troubled horse. People at the time thought that he was capable of speaking "horse talk" and that the horses could understand him and were quickly calmed by his mysterious techniques. To this day, it is still not clear exactly what a Horse Whisperer does. However, having read the Nicholas Evans novel or viewed the movie starring Robert Redford we would agree the Horse Whisperer works with, rather than against, the animal. Perhaps it could be said that this type of training begins by appreciating the instincts and temperament of the animal, working to shape the animal towards the training goals rather than "break" the animal into submission.

What can we learn from the Horse Whisperer about educating children? Can education operate in a whisperer model? Can teachers and parents become Child Whisperers? I can see no reason why not. By appreciating the role genetics plays in shaping instinctual optimism, the drive for mastery, satisfaction in success and, most importantly, the joy of learning, we can create home, community and educational environments that begin by appreciating children's individual differences and most importantly, their needs. Failure to appreciate these genetic drives combined with our historically naive appreciation of the reasons children struggle emotionally, academically and behaviorally in school has created an educational system which may work for a significant percentage of children, but not only is ineffective but does harm to a significant minority of children. I would further argue that a Child Whisperer educational system would not only be beneficial for those facing adversity but effective for all children, even those most competent.

To create a Child Whisperer model, we must communicate with, parent and educate children with an appreciation of their abilities and needs. Further, we must also find a way to return instinctual optimism to the millions of children in our school systems today who have lost the ability to believe that they can be competent and that with effort comes satisfaction and success. To create this educational system we must begin by accepting a basic axiom. Intelligent practice develops emotional, behavioral and academic proficiency in even the most challenged children while simultaneously nurturing hope and optimism. Intelligent practice refers not just to our ability to understand children's needs and how to help but also our patience in recognizing that as psychologist Joan Goodman wrote many years ago, for some children "slow is fast enough."

There are millions of Stuarts in our schools today. Stuart has a caring and committed family and possesses many of the resilience factors my colleague, Dr. Robert Brooks and I have researched and written about, factors that will protect and insulate him through his educational career and into adulthood. Nonetheless, we must insure that all of the Stuarts in our schools, male or female, do not have to experience such unnecessary pain in exchange for an education.